It seems that in life every time we think we know something, that we're absolutely sure about it, something comes in and totally muddles it up.
As the days have gone by the reservations I had about moving have melted away one by one. I was finally on the same page as Seth. I was ecstatic about moving with no reservations, except for leaving my big giant beautiful kitchen...but I was getting over it. Then Tuesday came around and I received a phone call from Seth while I was at work. He told me that a branch of the bank he works at, which is located about 18 miles from where we live now, and in the opposite direction of the town we're moving to, had called and offered him a position there. The position involved a significant raise and a promotion. Since I was at work we didn't really have a chance to talk about it. He just asked me to pray.
Of course it was all I could think about for the rest of the day. I thought through a million things at once. Should Seth take the job? If he did, would we still move even though it would be an hour commute for him? Should we stay at the apartment? If we did, would the pay raise give us the same amount of savings as moving into the cabin? Was this an answer to prayer, that when we have kids we will have the financial stability for me to stay home, or would the extra money all get sucked into our loans? Would living so far from church plus the extra 30 minutes in the opposite direction be too overwhelming for us? Would it hinder us even more from ministry through the church? And round and round I went.
That night and the next day all we did was think, pray, and ask for prayer. I was struggling to even know what to pray, so I just asked that the Lord would make the decision we were supposed to make extremely clear to both of us. On Wednesday night, Seth called several people for wisdom and council. They all had different opinions about the various aspects of the decisions we were making. After hearing them talk through our situation, Seth and I came to the same conclusion. Seth was going to decline the position at the other branch and we were going to move ahead with our original plan of moving into town to care take for the church.
We both came to this conclusion for the same reasons. We felt that if Seth chose to take the job it might give us more financial stability in the future and it could possibly be a smart "career move". However it would also be a big sacrifice of Seth's time. Not only his time with me but also time spent with the Lord, and in ministry. Neither of us ever wanted to live a life where we were focused on careers or making more money. We want to serve Jesus. So why would we pursue something that is not where God has either of our hearts? Neither of us had peace about Seth taking the job even though it seemed like the smarter thing to do so we chose to walk the other way.
I still don't understand why all of these decisions came up for us all at once but I don't need to. I feel that we made the decision that the Lord would have us to, and if we are mistaken in some way, He is more than able to redeem it. Though I still have my moments of anxiety, where I wonder if we've made the wrong choice, I'm excited for this opportunity to trust God and see His provision in our lives.
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